Just the other day, right here on this blog, I posted The Shadow of Apology. I would like to take the time to revisit that post because through the help of my friend, who commented on it, I would like to add some clarity that I have have gained since then.
I said before, which I quote verbatim, is “I don’t need to apologize for myself and I don’t have to allow others to apologize for themselves.” While both statements are still true for me, I feel that I need to take the second part of that statement a little bit further by saying that while I don’t have to allow others to apologize for themselves as a means of self-deprecation, which, in recognizing my discomfort, my own limited belief was telling me is just a form of manipulation, I can find myself using that limited belief, in not allowing another to apologize for themselves, as a form of manipulation as well. The truth for me today is that by holding onto that limited belief, I have not yet become free from it and I know this only because I still feel the discomfort that apologies now bring, now that I have recognized that I no longer need to apologize for who I am.
I also recognize that the only way out of the trap is to embrace my discomfort, rather than manipulate around it, so that by doing so, I will come to accept others need to apologize for who they are even though I still recognize that I no longer need to apologize for who I am. Stay tuned!
